42
by areuevernotgoingtofall4that
Summary: Something's wrong with Ron. Will he let his friends help or will he suffer in silence?


**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter wish I did but I don't.**

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"Are you okay Ron?" Ron glanced up from the porridge he was staring at to his mother's worried face. Of course, she had that face on most of the time ever since Fred had died. As if asking them if they were okay would make sure that they were.

"I'm fine," Ron looked back at his porridge and realized that despite all the stirring he had done he hadn't actually eaten any of it which is probably why she asked if he was okay. He just hadn't had much an appetite lately but his mom had made it and not eating would only make her worry. So Ron put some in his spoon and eat about half the bowl until his mother had left the room. When he got up and scraped the rest into the sink and rinsed it down.

His mother had enough to worry about without having to worry about him, he rationalized. George had hardly said a word since Fred's funeral. George just sort of stayed in his room. Even when he around the rest of the family he might as well of not been because he just sat there staring at nothing. Not that Ron blamed him. George had lost his other half and even though he had only spent a few months with them back when he and Harry hadn't been speaking to each other, he had a small inkling of what George must be going through. His siblings were all different in their grieving processes. Some were doing better with it than others. His mother personally handled the grief by worrying even more incessantly about her remaining children.

"Hey Ron." And Harry handled by putting a lot of guilt on himself. Ron put a false smile on his face and turned around to see Harry in his PJ's. He had moved in with them after the war had ended. It was supposed to temporary and he kept on saying how he going to move out and get a place of his own soon. But, his parents assured him that he could stay as long as he wanted. He lived in Ron's room since everyone was living at home at the moment. Supposedly bonding together so that they could face their troubles together but it wasn't exactly working.

"Hey Harry." As much as he loved Harry, sometimes he wished that he would move out so that he didn't have to put on this mask on almost 24 /7.

"So, what are you doing today?" Harry asked.

"I'm going to meet Hermione for tea and after that, I have a pretty much free day. I guess, I should get on that job search."

"It shouldn't be too hard. Just tell them your name and I'm sure they'll sign you up on the spot." Harry said mentioning the fact that though Harry was still the golden boy, Hermione and Ron, for their part in the war also, were also widely respected and that securing a job would probably be quite easy.

"So I take that to mean that you aren't going to go back to Hogwarts?" Ron said.

"I might but it just seems to weird to go back after everything that's happened," Harry replied.

"Yeah, with Hogwarts being rebuilt and all if we did go back everything would be different but different doesn't always have to mean bad." He's not entirely sure who he's trying to convince with that.

"I know and I might go I just haven't decided," Harry paused for a moment before continuing tentatively, "The Auror's offered me a job."

"That's great Harry I'm really happy for you," Ron said somewhat honestly. He was glad that his friend finally got his dream job, got to be what he had always wanted to be. Harry totally and completely deserved it after everything he had been through in pretty much his whole life. But a part of him was spiteful, he had always wanted to be an Auror, ever since he had heard about it, but Moody had never thought he was worthy, even if it did turn out that hadn't really been Moody after all. Yet he had gone through a lot of what Harry did and yet no job offers of any sort were being thrown at him. Ron tried to push the spiteful thoughts out but they continued to linger so he tried to ignore them."

"Thanks," Harry was beaming now and Ron spiteful side lessened.

"So when do you start on your fabulous job?" Harry made a face.

"Not for about a month. They think being dead for so long might have had some side effects and they want to make sure I'm not going to faint during work." Ron shivered he hated when Harry was so flippant about when he had died, Of course he hadn't been on the other side, thinking their best friend had died. Ron shook that terrible thought away.

"Still, soon you'll be an Auror."

"Yeah," Harry noticed that Ron wasn't eating anything.

"Are you going to eat?"

"Already did. Porridge, it was delicious," he lied.

"How many bowls did you end up eating? Is there any left for the rest of us?" Harry joked and Ron tried to smile choosing not say that he barely had anything to eat. Right at that moment Ginny came into the room and said.

"Hey Harry." She poured herself a bowl of cereal and some milk and sat next to Harry.

"Hey Ginny," Ron rolled his eyes. He hated eating with the both of them. They would make doe eyes at each other through the whole thing, that is if Ginny wasn't trying to snog Harry. Any time he expressed his displeasure, he got a long earful from Ginny about how she wasn't a child anymore and could do whatever she wanted with whoever she wanted. Instead, Ron had taken to leaving the room when both of them were in it.

So he did and went outside to the yard where he suddenly decided he wanted to go for a short walk. He started walking towards the orchard knowing that most people in the house weren't awake enough to have started a Quidditch game yet. For awhile the orchard would probably be deserted so he could think there.

There was something off about him. He should be feeling fine. In fact, he should be feeling great but he wasn't. Despite the fact that Voldemort was dead, for which some of the wizarding world was still having celebrations until the wee hours of the morning weeks later. Not even to mention that he and Hermione had kissed and that they were now going out, all that should have made him very happy.

There was Fred's death. It had made the entire family subdued and full of grief, but even though Ron missed his brother he was pretty sure that wasn't what was making him feel off. He wasn't sure exactly what is was, he just knew when it had started. It had started when it put on that locket. That locket had changed everything. The locket had amplified his own feelings to the point that he had left his friends. Something he suspected he would always regret doing despite that fact that both Harry and Hermione had forgiven him for it. Harry had forgiven him when he had destroyed the locket and Hermione in time she had forgiven him too.

The locket was gone now and for a while, the feelings had been too but lately, they had started to creep up again. Feelings that he would never be good enough and that Hermione would leave him, because honestly who would stay with him? And some more disturbing ones, ones that he had never had before in his life, but he didn't like thinking about those ones ever. Most of the time he ignored the thoughts and pretended they didn't exist and sometimes he listened to them and well they weren't good.

Ron knew he had always had self-esteem issues but he thought he had finally faced them and gotten over them when he had to smash the locket, but apparently he was wrong. But he told himself that they were just thoughts, deeply depressing and sometimes scary thoughts by thoughts none the less. The good news in all of this was when Ron was busy most of the thoughts seemed to go away, which is why Ron was anxious to do something just to get rid of the thoughts.

Ron came to himself and found himself wandering around the Quidditch pitch, not knowing exactly how many times he had made it around the field and not really caring. He picked up the pace hoping that the increase in pulse might be enough to cut the thoughts off. He liked this, this running. It kept his mind on his heartbeat and nothing else it was incredibly relaxing.

"Are you trying to get ready for a marathon?" Harry called out to him. Ron slowed and turned around to see Harry coming towards him.

"I've been looking for you for awhile."

"Well, I'm here." Ron slowed again to a walk somewhat regretfully.

"Ron, aren't you forgetting something?" Ron racked his mind for something that he could be forgetting but couldn't think of anything."

"No, I don't think so."

"So you don't remember the brunette that you have a tea date with?"

"Oh my," Ron's eyes widened in shock. How could he of forgot?

"I got to go, thanks for reminding me. I owe you big time I got to go take a shower right now or I'm going to be late."

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 **This chapter is to gauge the interest that there is in this story. If people like it will most likely be continued but it might take awhile, or if there's is little interest it may not continue.**


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